Graduation, Fear
Saturday marked the last day of Design Diploma Show, which made me rather contemplative of my next step in life. The question of working or studying first weighed heavily in my mind. Working, as I have always felt took up a lot of time, it would be hard for me to concentrate on anything but my immediate future when I'm working, I am ashamed to say but I have a one track mind that get stuck in a loop when I am focused on one thing.

Studying for my degree is a given, I would have to get my degree most definitely. Living in Singapore or anywhere else without  a degree would be out of the question, a degree is extremely important to the standard of living I would like to maintain.

The question is what degree should I study for? I feel like I am being thrown back into a time loop, where after making a decision to study Apparel Design and Merchandising 3 years ago, I am yet forced to make the same agonizing decision again. I am unsure if I should continue studying fashion merchandising or move on to study what I really want, which is Law.

I feel torn into two. There is a part of me that reminisce about my younger days when I used to tell anyone who asked confidently that I aspired to be a lawyer when I grow "older" but yet there is another part of me whom has gone through the 3 years of studying Retail Design and Merchandising who wants to continue to study it and eventually become a capable brand manager and retail designer.

Both paths are equally expensive and I am sure I cannot afford either path on my own, or even with my parents help. I guess i have to take some time to do some soul searching before throwing myself into the path once again.

Even so, as I am making my decision now I cant help but to think what am I going to do after my degree?

Blood Red
Listening to: Battle Scars - Guy Sebastian ft. Lupe Fiasco 

I finally went to get my facial done, as well as painted my nails today. Facials are painful for me and they dont make my skin look pretty afterwards. Angry and irritated skin makes no one look good, honestly but my skin has been feeling so clogged recently that I have no choice but to get a facial done, before I get a full breakout. 

I did something symbolic today. I painted my nails red, a color I have consistently avoided when choosing a color at my usual manicures. To me, red nails are symbolic of maturity and more precisely coming of age, now that I'm close to reaching 20 years of age. How time flies when one is always constantly busy. 

It still seems surreal that in 20 days I will be done with Design School and going on forth (hopefully) with university. After 3 years of studying Apparel Design, I am unsure if I would like to continue with the same course of road. I would be the first of those to do so in my family line, all my aunts and uncles have chosen safe, wise choices like business, engineering and accountancy.

Which leads me to my dilemma  , is the road less travelled, really a better route? 

I feel extremely lazy. I wish our internships would start earlier so I can just focus on things with a more fruitful achievement. It feels like our make believe assignments and conceptualizations are just getting old after 3 years.


Leather Jackets Are Awesome
listening to: Wide Awake - Katy Perry

I have a serious obsession with outerwear, I can't help myself from plonking money down a good leather jacket or even say a blazer. I mean, seriously. To date, I have about 6-9 blazers in my closet, one old pleather jacket, another row of 8-10 cardigans. 

While I only have like, 3 graphic tees I can really wear on a casual day. My idea of casual, comfortable outfit to wear on a normal school day would be a simple shirt paired with my favorite outerwear and a pair of skinny jeans. 

But yet I can't help but to obsess over Lucyd Acyd Labyrinth Jacket.

I love the brand, if you haven't heard of it then you should probably check it out immediately. The brand is minimalism and class rolled into one, what's more is that their clothes are just so wearable with a touch of innovation. Furthermore, the quality of the clothing is just so worth your while, especially if you compare them to normal blogshops.

Right Decisions?
listening to: Give It A Go - Timbaland ft Veronica Garner 

It's been a long time since my last entry. Well, that much is not surprising, since I only write entries when I'm depressed/ happy. Sometimes, I do wonder if I'm a undiagnosed bi-polar patient, then the world would be a much happier place, since I'd be on meds. 

I'm totally cool with that. Today was the last day of work at this "healthy" food joint that I work at as a barista/cashier/server/dishwasher/cockroach killer /everything else you can possibly think of. It made me kinda sad cause the chefs actually remembered that I was leaving today and made me a special meal off the menu :( I got along with the people there very well, and I'm surprised to say that this place was the only place i've ever worked at where I got along with everyone. (This includes IKEA, Kinokuniya and Takashimaya) 

So as you can see, it made me really sad to leave. But i had to, in order to find time to look for my internships and study for my driving tests. :( I guess i would consider going back to work there when I'd finished the year at the polytechnic I'm currently studying at. 

Possibly during university like one of the other guys who worked there as well, but thinking this way brings me to a whole new level of depression. 

Working while studying has made me even more aware of constant change, the same place that you have once worked at, will not stay the same forever. Within a month or so, the staff might change, even the management might change. 

You'd never knew what hits you until it does. Being prepared for change is the only way to ensure that you can keep up with the times and the pace at which everyone else is travelling at, however this does not stop me from wishing that change will never come :(

On the bright side, this change has given me much free time which I need in order to spend time on a website I am thinking about, as well as my jewellery making hobby and business ambition. 

What I want
What I want need

Gold leaf hair. Topshop always manages to create wonders,

Since it's a new year I need a planner too.

watching : Lie To Me Episode 17

Late night coffee with friends are always great. Love what this shop did. Haha. 

NTH NO.3 Free magazines are always awesome. 

 ❤ Friends

The holidays have been surprisingly comforting for me. To think and plan. I think I need a new planner for the news year. Moleskin here I come! There are some books that I really want to get my hands on, namely Meg Cabot's Abandon and Richelle Mead's Succubus. 

The paranormal and love relationships draw me. I think I might want to publish a book before I'm 23. 

If you lived life without an argument
watching: Gossip Girl Season 5 Episode 1

...then you would have lived a life not worth living at all. Because that means you have not once stood up for yourself nor what you stand for. 

Why are we talking about arguments again? Well, thats because I got into a huge fight with my lecturer at school. That's right. I thought I gotten all that melodrama out of my system in secondary school. But no. You see, I have this problem when I am sleep deprived and meet bitchy people along the way. I speak the truth. Cold, brutal and harsh reality without mincing it up all nice and peppered for her. 

I want to lodge a complaint against her for her actions. And I think I shall do that, with a form at the General Office. Why not just let it go? You see, I could. But that would mean I would be letting her step all over myself. And I'm paying school fees in order to let her do that.

Now, why would I do something that foolish? 

watching: Desperate Housewives Season 8 Episode 5

Have I mentioned just how insanely addictive Desperate Housewives is? I used to think that the show was meant for the desperate like the show's name suggested, but it's insanely honest. Or dishonest as looking how things goes on in the show. 

I've been feeling depressed lately, or rather overwhelmed. Why wouldn't I be? I put in around 20 hours a week at my part time job, I have school on weekdays and I have to study for my driving test. And now, I have choir to add to that list. I feel stressed. I think for my up coming holidays I'm going to revamp my life, go on a holiday with a friend, tidy my room, go clubbing and make some new art for my portfolio. 

I'm feeling so dead and uninspired lately that it's suffocating me. Literally. I miss having meaningful chats with friends that actually understand my predicament (which only those who I let know, will know). The same "problem" I've had since I was 3 is acting up. Again.

I'm sick of it. It is what thats suppressing me, suffocating me. Sometimes, I just wish I could wish myself to death or away when I have to face this problem. But I cant. Neither can I fully confide in someone, for fear of the social stigma that will come along with it. Sometimes, well actually most of the time I wish I had been born into another life, I wonder what would it be like to live someone else's life , just for a minute. A while. 

Actually, this problem is what accounts for my lack of faith in "God". If "He" really loved every human being as equals, then why would one person have to suffer more than the other? Why would they even have to pay for their sins then if his "love" is so truly uncalculating? 

I believe God is a figment of our imagination, something that us plebeians have cooked up over the years. I mean, just look at Greek mythology. There was a hierarchy to the order of gods in Greek Mythology stories. 

Hierarchy is created by humans to rationalise our inane instinct to follow or to lead. 

Oh well. Enough of me and my hate/hate relationship with the man. 

The only way I can deal with this problem is to do the same thing I have always done.

Pretend that the problem doesn't exist. 

Long time no blog.
listening to: Replay - Iyaz

I missed blogging, I haven't blogged in like ages, thanks to school work and whats not. Speaking of which, i desperately need to fix my website's word-press. And get my resume and stuff done before the next school semester. And worry about the contents of my bank account. And join a CCA some how. Some day soon I hope. 

So much to do, so little time and yes, I do realise I say that a lot. 

I'm hoping to get an internship at either ELLE Magazine at SPH, or American Apparel (which is near impossible thanks to US visa's waiting period. Thanks again America! (not)

Or at least Charles & Keith which is under Louis Vuitton for those unaware. From experience, I have learnt that things are generally safer with a bigger company or at least a company with a proper Human Resource Department whose sole mission in their career is to attend to your needs. Ha. 

Either way,  I need to start writing essays or if you would call it blogging about issues I care about. 

Damn. Where has all that time gone? 


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